Jeff and I are having a little difference of opinion on something, so I figure we could settle this by getting the opinions of all the people reading this blog. Here's the question:
What is a woman's basic desire/ need from a man?
This would apply to women in general regardless of age, religion, or social status. Jeff and I agree that a man's basic desire is sex, so there is no disagreement there. Here are the arguments:
Jeff: A woman's most basic desire is security. She wants to make sure that her man will provide a good life for her. It is not sex, admiration, love, appreciation, or any other thing. Those things, although important, are secondary to security. Most women will try to deny it, but if they take a real good look at themselves, security is #1. This is not a bad thing, it is an innate desire to help women chose a mate that will be able to provide for her children, and make it possible for the mother to spend her time caring for and nurturing the children. He doesn't think all women are gold diggers, he thinks they have this desire for the purpose of creating a family that thrives.
Tara: A woman's most basic desire is love and adoration. I think that when a woman is dreaming about her future mate she thinks of a man that is totally in love with her. She dreams of a man who loves her and only her, and would be willing to sacrifice anything reasonable to make her happy. This doesn't mean that she would actually ask him to do that, she just wants a man who adores her enough to be willing to. A woman wants a man who thinks good thoughts about her, and only has nice things to say about her when he is talking to family or friends. She wants a man who loves her as much or more than she loves him, and she would take that above being secure any day of the week. The way I see it, if your hubby is completely in love with you (and treats you as such) you would be willing to endure and work through any "security" issues there might be. In a truly loving relationship, trials are much easier to fight through together.
We both agree that there are a few exceptions to the rule, such as gold diggers, or completely immature nit wits, but we are sticking by our arguments as a generality.
So, what's your opinion? Who is right, or are we both wrong? I am excited to hear what you have to say!
8 comments:
I'm gonna have to go with you Tara--love. Girls loved to be noticed, thought about, admired. Why did so many women love Twilight??? B/c of Edward who is head over heals in love with Bella. All women want that!
Definitely LOVE. Parents provided security, but we need love, not just familial love, or friendship love, but romantic love. Love glorious love - because if you haven't got love you won't be happy, no matter how much security you have.
Sorry Jeff... she's right. It's love and adoration that melts any woman's heart and makes her happy, happy, happy! Security is important too... but it's maybe 2nd place.
Tara- You're right. Girls just want to be loved. If a man loves them enough they'll go through anything with them. I liked both rationales though. My proof is that a lot of woman are flat broke and happy as can be because they have a man by their side.
I do agree with the security part. After being in a bad relationship that was the one thing I looked for in my "next" husband, I really just wanted to feel secure. The love stuff is definately something I desire and need everyday. So I would say I agree with Jeff on one level but totally agree with you on the next. Security or Love? I pick both..I am high mateinence :)
I think you're both right! Love and security, depending how you look at it, can be one in the same. If by security you mean that a woman feels security in her man, that he will always be loyal and true and deeply in love with her. Also, one of the best ways a man can show his love for his woman is by providing for her and their children and making sure all their needs are met. That's true love! (Though all the other fun romantic and creative ways to show love are pretty great too.)
Have you ever read "The 5 Love Languages"? All women seem to be saying they want love but how they
'hear' I love you depends on the woman. For some it is roses and jewelry (gifts), for some it is praise and (words of affirmation) for others it is quality time one-on-one conversation), for others it is hugs and kisses (affection/touch), for others it is having help around the house and the trash being taken out etc. (service). I think security is a basic need, but it individually defined. Some need more money in the bank than others to feel secure and taken care of. Me? my love language is words of affirmation and affection, but my husband usually gives acts of service and affection. We both are not big risk takers and need more money in the bank - so our purchases are more modest - - so far it works well for us. Everyone must discover their own needs. What a fun POST! Thanks Tara! Love is Grand isn't it?
I think that the answer is security. I have often amazed guys by talking about how attracted I can be to a guy that I don't think is PHYSICALLY attractive. But my attraction to him is formed by a lot more than his physical appearance. I think that the same can be said of love.
I had a conversation the other day with my friend Cameron about the basic thing that women are looking for in a man. He suggested that it was power. "Power" is interpreted differently by every woman. Some are interested in the strongest man, the richest man, the most physically fit (to produce better offspring), the most socially influential. But all of these come down to that aspect giving him some kind of power, and then translating into her attraction to him. I agree that this gives a woman a sense of security in her mate, which makes it possible for her to develop love.
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